Planning the Wedding Ceremony
by Holly Lefevre
Chances are that soon after your engagement you began your wedding planning, and in the excitement of selecting a dress and picking out flowers, the ceremony details have been ignored, overlooked, or put on the back burner. Unfortunately you may have, as many brides do, put a noticeable lack of emphasis on the planning of the marriage ceremony, which is really the most important aspect of the day. However by using a little creativity and imagination, you can make the ceremony memorable for you, your fiancé, and the guests. Before you can begin making any definitive plans, you will need to determine some essential elements of the ceremony. Taking a few moments to answer the following questions will help you establish a basic foundation for your ceremony plans.
- Do you want to be married in a house of worship? Does your fiancé? How important is that to you? What compromises are you willing to make?
- How important is religion in your ceremony?
- Would you prefer to marry in a non-religious location (park, beach, or reception location)?
- Are you and your fiancé of the same religious background? If not what are your religious beliefs? If you and your fiancé are of different religions, is a ceremony in a house of worship even an option? Is there a house of worship in your area that will accommodate this situation?
- Are their churches in your area that allow non-members to marry there?Are counseling courses or marriage preparation courses involved? Whatare the fees likely to be?
Weddings Held in a House of Worship
If you choose to marry in a house of worship, there is typically an established set of standards, rules, regulations, and requirements to abide by. Most houses of worship “employ” the services of an on-site wedding coordinator. These coordinators provide couples with guidance and information regarding protocol and format for that particular location. As well, these locations typically provide a standard ceremony format for you to follow, however there are usually some options for personalizing the ceremony. These options may include the selection of musical pieces, selection of readings, and the addition of special ceremonies such as the unity candle or rose ceremony. As you plan your ceremony, you will need to work within the limits and standards of the location, as well as receive approval by the coordinator and/or officiant for your final ceremony plans.
The pros and cons of a religious ceremony held in a house of worship.
- Typically these locations are all-inclusive. They will provide options for musical selections, options for readings, a standard ceremony format, Officiant, musicians, rehearsal direction, and a coordinator to oversee the ceremony on the wedding day.
- These weddings are traditional and most often formal in nature.
- There are costs for marrying in a church, but often the costs are minimalfor what you get in return (ceremony coordinator, location, officiant, seating, setting.
- There is room for personalizing the ceremony, but the options can be limited. You must usually select musical selections, readings, etc. from a list of approved pieces.
- The ceremonies can be “cookie cutter,” as these locations have established formats for everything from processionals to readings to decorating.
- You may not have a choice of who the Officiant or on-site coordinator is.
Weddings Held in Non-Religious Locations
If you choose not to marry in a church, but at a park, beach, hotel, or other off-site location, the options for creating and personalizing your wedding ceremony are numerous. Unlike, weddings held in a house of worship, typically the only restrictions on ceremony content would be those set by you and your fiancé. You can choose to have a religious or civil ceremony. The responsibility of creating a meaningful wedding ceremony, from musical selections to vows, lies with you. One of the most important things you will need to do is hire an Officiant. He/she may be able to provide you with additional ideas and direction for creating the ceremony. Typically Officiants who are not affiliated with a church are usually more willing to be creative and try something new. Due to the importance of the ceremony, it terribly important to find an officiant that is willing to work with you as well as provide ideas.
The pros and cons of a ceremony held in at an off-site or non-religious location.
- Using creativity and a little imagination you can create a completely unique and meaningful ceremony that no one has ever seen before.
- You have final control/say over musical selections, readings, processional, and ceremony format.
- It is all up to you. You must be the one to make sure all of your bases are covered: amplification/sound, seating, musicians, rehearsal director, etc.
- This type of ceremony is more labor intensive for the bride and groom(unless you hire a wedding coordinator and an Officiant that you trustand you are willing to let them assist you in planning the ceremony).
Who Will Perform the Wedding Ceremony?
At most houses of worship, you will be required to “work” with one of their Officiants for the wedding ceremony. There are exceptions to this rule, however. Some locations may allow you to bring in your own Officiant (usually someone of the same faith) with certain restrictions, or they may allow a co-officiant. If this is an issue for you, address this point early on in your search for a location.
If you decide to marry in an off-site location, you will need to find someone to perform the wedding ceremony. If you or your fiancé regularly attend a house of worship, but choose not to marry there, you can ask that Officiant if they will marry you. If not, a wedding officiant can be found in local bridal magazines, the Internet, event resource centers, at (other) churches, or through clergy referral services. Believe it or not, there are even a few Catholic priests that will marry a couple outside of the church. A fun twist to all of this is that in California, a friend or family member may marry a couple as well. That person can be deputized to perform a marriage ceremony by the registrar-recorder in the appropriate county (they are deputized for one day only, and the ceremony must take place on the date specified in order for the marriage to be legal). Additionally, anyone can be ordained via the Internet at http://www.ulc.com.
I really like the idea of the unity candle and want to incorporate it into my wedding ceremony, but my mother has passed away? Can someone else light the candle in her place?
You may ask a grandparent, special relative, or sibling to light the candle and represent your side of the family. In some instances, depending on the processional order and when the unity candle will be lit (usually the first part of the unity candle ceremony takes place prior to the processional), your father may be able to light the candle.
How do I select readers for the ceremony?
Readers should be people who are special to you. A favorite relative, a close friend or sibling who is not a member of the wedding party may be a reader. At times, parents and members of the wedding party have performed readings as well. For the latter, just be sure to confirm ceremony order and details so that their other duties do not conflict.
I have an uneven number of bridesmaids and groomsmen. How should they walk down the aisle?
You can have one or two pairs become trios (one groomsmen, two bridesmaids or visa versa). You can have the ladies come in alone and then men enter alone (they would then recess in pairs and trios). Don’t worry about “matching” the sides and don’t ask people to be a part of your wedding just to be “even.”
I have a ten year old niece, is she too old to be a flower girl?
A ten year old is a little old for the position of flower girl but she could be a Junior Bridesmaid. In that case, she would wear a dress that would be more sophisticated than a flower girl but less sophisticated than the bridesmaids.
Tips
Before making arrangements with your florist or event designer for ceremony décor, be sure to check with the house of worship on restrictions and rules. Provide the florist with a list of these rules. Some houses of worship don’t allow a lot of decorating and some require you leave any floral arrangement as a donation.
If you are marrying at a park, beach or outdoor location be sure there is amplification for the ceremony, that the Officiant has a booming voice, and/or that the guests will be able to move in very close to the “altar.” One of the biggest disappoints of outdoor ceremonies is when no one can hear what is being said.
Flower Girls and Ring Bearers are young children. Do not expect them to be perfect. If perfection is your goal, consider skipping the young children in the ceremony. You will also get the best performance form children who are at least 3 years old.
